With my third favorite drinking holiday coming up, I feel like there is the chance that some of you will be….oh, how can I put this delicately….tying one on this weekend. Finding yourself snookered. Three sheets to the wind. Getting sauced. Loaded. Primed. Tore up from the floor up, if you know what I mean (and I think you do).
As someone who did a bit of that lately for professional reasons, I feel I have just enough authority to first tell you to be safe and bring a buddy of the driving, not drinking kind. And then to help you plan your reentering into the human world the next morning/afternoon. Hopefully you’ve thought ahead of time and have Gadorade and bendy straws on-hand. Also, I offer this in case you have asparagus, bananas, and pretzels instead (disclaimer: I didn’t test any of those but apparently someone did because you don’t just throw asparagus in the mix as a hangover cure without a little research, right?).
But what you really need is grease. Delicious, delicious grease with a side of carbs.
Enter Bad Daddy’s Burger Bar, a new fast casual addition to the Foothills Mall. I went with my mom a few weeks ago and I have to suggest that you attend with a similar date; no one is more generous about sharing their food or letting you have most of their half of the boozy milkshake you ordered to split.
I had the Fried Mozzarella Burger with Sweet Potato Fries ($10.95), because: cheese. I don’t like tomato slices on anything after the appendectomy I had at age 9 (no, I don’t want to talk about it), but tomato jam? You bet your hot mess hangover I want tomato jam. On everything from now on, along with a wedge of fried cheese. The fries are nothing to write home about unless you are a sweet potato fanatic and I am.
My Mama had the Bacon Cheeseburger On Steroids ($12.95) because normally she eats vegan and if you are going to cash in your vegan kale chips, you should go all in. 6 pieces of bacon atop this gluttony gift of shame, which she had along side the Tater Tots. The Tot itself may be a hungover cure on it’s own—I’d need to research further to be sure.
There are three Spiked Shakes on the menu and when we ordered the Mudslide to split the server brought it already halved without asking. Which is fine if you are dining with my mother, but if you are banking on drinking more than your fair share secretly, know this possibility in advance.
Be safe out there my little hooligans, and remember: there is no greater gift to give your drunk self than water. And grease. Making this my Eat of the Week(end).